Happy Friday, friends. I’ve had a lot on my mind this week. June has begun and, with it, the annual month of Pride celebrations. In particular, I’ve been thinking about my own experience being out and proud in Scouting — something that hasn’t always been easy, but has also at times been incredibly empowering.
So I want to hear from you all: What has your experience been like being out and proud in Scouting? Take me to the best moments, or the toughest moments. Or more simply, tell me, what does pride mean to you?
Jump into the comments and let’s get a good conversation going!
I'll kick things off. The best (proudest) moment of being out in Scouting for me was at the 2018 National OA Conference. I managed to snag one of the pride/inclusion rainbow knot patches at the conference, and put it on my uniform beside my Eagle Scout knot. When I walked on stage to receive the Distinguished Service Award that week, I stood before 8,000 scouts and the organization's top leadership wearing my small, but visible, symbol of gay pride. And while most of the people in the audience probably didn't even notice, it meant the world to me. I felt seen, affirmed and proud in a way that I never had before.
Other high points -- seeing my scouts being comfortable as themselves; having an OA youth come out to me and then get involved in his college LGBTQ group and having my current chief add a pronoun line to his signature block without us even discussing it,
It has certainly been a mixture of good and bad. The toughest part of being out in Scouting has been seeing people's (mainly adults) perception of you completely change once they know you're gay.
As tough as they are, those moments are more than made up for when a young person confides in you that they are gay and says that seeing you out and thriving both in Scouting and professionally gives them hope things will be okay. The ability to be there for them in a way that no one was able to be there for you when you were the same age is incredibly fulfilling.
My proudest moment was having my partner with me at my table during the DSA presentation in 2015. He also made a surprise visit to the 2017 Jamboree to see everything I had been working on for years. That visit was paid for and arranged by the person I worked for and supported during the event, which was also very meaningful.
My proudest moment was yesterday the publication of our council's Key 3 + DEI VP pride statement that included an apology for past harm due to the bans. I pushed extremely hard over the last year for this to happen. This was the first time I've ever heard an apology from anyone in the BSA for the harm caused to me and our community. I've always been an under the radar operator so it's been very hard to be sticking my neck out over the past year to make this happen. Personally, it's been hard for me evan as a gay person to realize my rights are not in the partisan political realm, but the human rights realm and able to be supported by the BSA.
My journey back from exile to the Scouting trail began 30 years ago. I was an Army Infantry Officer in Alaska. On rainy Saturday evening in March I slid through a red light at an intersection, narrowly avoided an accident and received a traffic ticket. On Monday morning I was relieved of command and three weeks later I was getting off a plane in upstate New York.
Between Saturday evening and Monday morning I had unknowingly kicked a virtual hornet’s nest. The police officer who issued the traffic ticket also provided an informal report to the base Provost Martial describing my outfit on Saturday night. As stylish as a white cashmere dress/sweater coat and white boots are, it seems Uncle Sam did not approve of that as off duty attire for infantry officers.
Gender Binary - 1, Erin – 0. Round 1 complete.
This was before the inception of DADT and would not have mattered any way because DADT applied only to Sexual Orientation. Gender Identity was considered a bar to enlistment and anyone who was in the service who was trans was considered mentally ill, morally deficient, a security risk or any combination of the above. In my case, #’s 2 and 3 were the rationale applied.
I had been active in Scouts my whole career so when I left the military and regained some sense of stability, I applied to be a merit badge counsellor. The application was denied because of “what happened in Alaska.” To this day, I do not know if BSA was made aware of the events because of a leak from the military, since my situation was supposed to be very closely held information or if my ex-spouse reported it to the local council.
For the next decade I struggled with what it meant to be trans through the view screen of Christianity, conservatism, and family. I was adrift in an ethereal search for myself in a world that did not accept that self. I questioned all of the assumptions about gender and sexuality I had accepted as true, slowly coming to doubt all but a the few that supported the rigid barrier of binary gender and the impermeability of that barrier.
Gender Binary - 2, Erin – 1. Round 3 complete.
In the fall of 1999, I began to question that barrier and embarked on the spiritual journey that has been my transition. I discovered that there were no rigid barriers between genders either in my faith or in the myriad social traditions of the human race. As this wall began to crumble, and is still crumbling even today, I applied my talents as a speaker and teacher to the education of others experiencing the same gender journey as well as providing education to anyone who would listen; first college psych classes, then Law schools, the government and business entities. With each educational opportunity, the wall crumbled a bit more. To the tune of over 25 presentations, conferences, job fairs and public fora each year.
In the process, I became and began to love and respect my authentic self. In late 2016 or early 2017 I discovered that the BSA had removed it’s wall against LGBT adults. Working as the head of the local Trans Support, education and Advocacy center, I contacted the local SE.
The conversation went something like, “Hi, I am Erin. I am an Eagle Scout and Vigil member of the Order of the Arrow, I have been to Philmont twice, canoed in Canada before Boundary Waters was a thing and was a Scoutmaster for three troops. I understand the BSA as changed its policy on LGBT adults. I is one and I can help. Would you like to meet at a coffee shop to talk more?”
Three days later, we met. We met again a week later and arranged for me to talk to him and his staff. I brought a friend of mine who I knew was involved in Scouting. And we were joined by the parents of a transgender boy who wanted to be a Cub Scout. The meeting and training session lasted longer than planned and I had to leave. After I left, the Council Identified a Cub Pack that would be accepting of the boy and my friend came out to the staff, most of whom had been Scouts when he was a Scoutmaster. They were floored.
I was invited to speak with the Order of the Arrow Lodge Adviser who invited me to the upcoming Vigil Fellowship. I was accepted fully. I helped bridge 4 Webelos in my friend’s den (He became the Webelo II Den Leader) into a new troop which soon had six youth, three of whom were trans boys. I was asked to be the Lodge Adviser and am now 6 months away from the end of my three-year term (our lodge traditionally has the adviser serve 3 years).
I attended Wood Badge almost three years ago and one of my ticket items was to prepare and present a seminar on Trans youth in scouting. I ended up doing four that morphed into an LGBT youth seminar and will begin offering them again on a quarterly basis this fall.
Our associated Cub Pack had four female identified Webelos who bridged just as the COVID pandemic started. We formed a sibling unit to our other troop which has four female identified youth, two of whom identify as trans or GNC (Gender Non-Conforming). I have also had the opportunity to consult with other Troops and Crews on including trans/GNC youth.
So there has not been a stand-alone moment that I would identify as the toughest and likewise there is no single moment I would label the best or proudest. While my transition period was challenging and being black-listed from the one organization that made the greatest impact on my life cast me out, I carried the lessons of Scouting in me always. I lived to serve which made coming out an inevitability. Leadership skills ingrained at 13 and 14 and 15 years old were integral to who I was which, again, made coming out and leading the community an inevitability. Duty to Country and Duty to Others made it inevitable that I would seek to change society and protect those who are less able to be visible. Duty to God has kept me accountable to truth and authenticity.
I guess that if there is one thing that I am most proud, it is that I never forgot who I was as a Scout and Arrowman even when Scouting forgot who I was.
I have won the game. And even if there is a huge backlash against my rainbow tribe I will always be a winner, have taken my position and will stay the course. It is the Scouting way.
I'll kick things off. The best (proudest) moment of being out in Scouting for me was at the 2018 National OA Conference. I managed to snag one of the pride/inclusion rainbow knot patches at the conference, and put it on my uniform beside my Eagle Scout knot. When I walked on stage to receive the Distinguished Service Award that week, I stood before 8,000 scouts and the organization's top leadership wearing my small, but visible, symbol of gay pride. And while most of the people in the audience probably didn't even notice, it meant the world to me. I felt seen, affirmed and proud in a way that I never had before.
Other high points -- seeing my scouts being comfortable as themselves; having an OA youth come out to me and then get involved in his college LGBTQ group and having my current chief add a pronoun line to his signature block without us even discussing it,
It has certainly been a mixture of good and bad. The toughest part of being out in Scouting has been seeing people's (mainly adults) perception of you completely change once they know you're gay.
As tough as they are, those moments are more than made up for when a young person confides in you that they are gay and says that seeing you out and thriving both in Scouting and professionally gives them hope things will be okay. The ability to be there for them in a way that no one was able to be there for you when you were the same age is incredibly fulfilling.
My proudest moment was having my partner with me at my table during the DSA presentation in 2015. He also made a surprise visit to the 2017 Jamboree to see everything I had been working on for years. That visit was paid for and arranged by the person I worked for and supported during the event, which was also very meaningful.
Very heartwarming. Thank you, Ryan.
My proudest moment was yesterday the publication of our council's Key 3 + DEI VP pride statement that included an apology for past harm due to the bans. I pushed extremely hard over the last year for this to happen. This was the first time I've ever heard an apology from anyone in the BSA for the harm caused to me and our community. I've always been an under the radar operator so it's been very hard to be sticking my neck out over the past year to make this happen. Personally, it's been hard for me evan as a gay person to realize my rights are not in the partisan political realm, but the human rights realm and able to be supported by the BSA.
Thank you for sharing, Jon!
Sorry this is a bit long, but here it is:
My journey back from exile to the Scouting trail began 30 years ago. I was an Army Infantry Officer in Alaska. On rainy Saturday evening in March I slid through a red light at an intersection, narrowly avoided an accident and received a traffic ticket. On Monday morning I was relieved of command and three weeks later I was getting off a plane in upstate New York.
Between Saturday evening and Monday morning I had unknowingly kicked a virtual hornet’s nest. The police officer who issued the traffic ticket also provided an informal report to the base Provost Martial describing my outfit on Saturday night. As stylish as a white cashmere dress/sweater coat and white boots are, it seems Uncle Sam did not approve of that as off duty attire for infantry officers.
Gender Binary - 1, Erin – 0. Round 1 complete.
This was before the inception of DADT and would not have mattered any way because DADT applied only to Sexual Orientation. Gender Identity was considered a bar to enlistment and anyone who was in the service who was trans was considered mentally ill, morally deficient, a security risk or any combination of the above. In my case, #’s 2 and 3 were the rationale applied.
I had been active in Scouts my whole career so when I left the military and regained some sense of stability, I applied to be a merit badge counsellor. The application was denied because of “what happened in Alaska.” To this day, I do not know if BSA was made aware of the events because of a leak from the military, since my situation was supposed to be very closely held information or if my ex-spouse reported it to the local council.
Either way, Gender Binary - 2, Erin – 0. Round 2 complete.
For the next decade I struggled with what it meant to be trans through the view screen of Christianity, conservatism, and family. I was adrift in an ethereal search for myself in a world that did not accept that self. I questioned all of the assumptions about gender and sexuality I had accepted as true, slowly coming to doubt all but a the few that supported the rigid barrier of binary gender and the impermeability of that barrier.
Gender Binary - 2, Erin – 1. Round 3 complete.
In the fall of 1999, I began to question that barrier and embarked on the spiritual journey that has been my transition. I discovered that there were no rigid barriers between genders either in my faith or in the myriad social traditions of the human race. As this wall began to crumble, and is still crumbling even today, I applied my talents as a speaker and teacher to the education of others experiencing the same gender journey as well as providing education to anyone who would listen; first college psych classes, then Law schools, the government and business entities. With each educational opportunity, the wall crumbled a bit more. To the tune of over 25 presentations, conferences, job fairs and public fora each year.
Gender Binary - 2, Erin – 402. Round 4 complete. Increased Life Force, increased Weapons, increased Alliances
In the process, I became and began to love and respect my authentic self. In late 2016 or early 2017 I discovered that the BSA had removed it’s wall against LGBT adults. Working as the head of the local Trans Support, education and Advocacy center, I contacted the local SE.
The conversation went something like, “Hi, I am Erin. I am an Eagle Scout and Vigil member of the Order of the Arrow, I have been to Philmont twice, canoed in Canada before Boundary Waters was a thing and was a Scoutmaster for three troops. I understand the BSA as changed its policy on LGBT adults. I is one and I can help. Would you like to meet at a coffee shop to talk more?”
Three days later, we met. We met again a week later and arranged for me to talk to him and his staff. I brought a friend of mine who I knew was involved in Scouting. And we were joined by the parents of a transgender boy who wanted to be a Cub Scout. The meeting and training session lasted longer than planned and I had to leave. After I left, the Council Identified a Cub Pack that would be accepting of the boy and my friend came out to the staff, most of whom had been Scouts when he was a Scoutmaster. They were floored.
Gender Binary - 2, Erin and friends – 405. Round 5 complete.
I was invited to speak with the Order of the Arrow Lodge Adviser who invited me to the upcoming Vigil Fellowship. I was accepted fully. I helped bridge 4 Webelos in my friend’s den (He became the Webelo II Den Leader) into a new troop which soon had six youth, three of whom were trans boys. I was asked to be the Lodge Adviser and am now 6 months away from the end of my three-year term (our lodge traditionally has the adviser serve 3 years).
I attended Wood Badge almost three years ago and one of my ticket items was to prepare and present a seminar on Trans youth in scouting. I ended up doing four that morphed into an LGBT youth seminar and will begin offering them again on a quarterly basis this fall.
Our associated Cub Pack had four female identified Webelos who bridged just as the COVID pandemic started. We formed a sibling unit to our other troop which has four female identified youth, two of whom identify as trans or GNC (Gender Non-Conforming). I have also had the opportunity to consult with other Troops and Crews on including trans/GNC youth.
Gender Binary - 2, Erin – 425 +. Round 6 complete.
So there has not been a stand-alone moment that I would identify as the toughest and likewise there is no single moment I would label the best or proudest. While my transition period was challenging and being black-listed from the one organization that made the greatest impact on my life cast me out, I carried the lessons of Scouting in me always. I lived to serve which made coming out an inevitability. Leadership skills ingrained at 13 and 14 and 15 years old were integral to who I was which, again, made coming out and leading the community an inevitability. Duty to Country and Duty to Others made it inevitable that I would seek to change society and protect those who are less able to be visible. Duty to God has kept me accountable to truth and authenticity.
I guess that if there is one thing that I am most proud, it is that I never forgot who I was as a Scout and Arrowman even when Scouting forgot who I was.
Gender Binary - 2, Erin – uncountable. Round 7 complete. Winner! Game over!
I have won the game. And even if there is a huge backlash against my rainbow tribe I will always be a winner, have taken my position and will stay the course. It is the Scouting way.
Wow, thank you Erin! What an incredible story. Thank you for sharing.